In the vein of the popular “Look At This F*cking” meme, comes a book dedicated to hilariously awful mugshots, coupled with laugh-out-loud captions written by some of todays most popular and audacious comedians and web personalities. Georgia Hardstark, one half of Cooking Channels sailor-mouthed, vintage clad Classy Ladies, will lead the reader through the most bizarre, unfortunate, and ludicrous photos of criminals at their most vulnerable: during their mugshot photo session. Punctuated with true tales of arrest and woe (and hilarity) from said contributors, Look At This F*cking Convict will take the not-so-funny act of getting arrested and prove that if you can’t laugh at yourself, at least you can laugh at criminals. With a special section for celebrity mugshots, vintage criminals, and not to mention the fact that mugshots are public domain, Look At This F*cking Convict would be a lucrative and popular public
“Weeell hallloooo, kind sir. You wouldn’t happen to have $100,000 to lend a lad for a fortnight, wouldja??? It seems there’s a dame out in Brooklyn who seems to find the advances of men who ride bicycles with gears that are fixed less than acceptable, despite attempts at seeming harmless by the growing of ironic facial hair, and thus misinterpret innocent professions of undying love as ‘stalking’ and ’attmepted rape’, the silly lasses.”
They called her Good Time Mabel and she never met a Charlie or a Dick she didn’t like. Her flask was always filled with bootleg gin so damn strong it’d strip the paint off a T Model, and you’d piss fire after a night with her. But my god, she knew how to have a good time.
Underneath that chaotic beard and behind that psychotic gaze is a sensitive man who just wants to be held…by a corpse.
This is your junior high school best friend’s older brother. Once you spent the night at their house and could have sworn you heard a camera go off in the middle of the night while you were passed out in your sleeping bag, but when you opened your eyes you didn’t see anyone there, so you figured it was a dream. The next morning he stared at you over his bowl of cereal and made fun of you for having tiny boobs (or “blouse bunnies”, as he called them).
He had taught the family dog to hump legs on command, and seemed to delight in scaring the shit out of the cat. Do you remember him? Do you think about him as much as he thinks about you? He could sure use a pen pal, right about now. Cell Block C is a lonely place and he bets you smell real nice.
Turns out the time machine worked, after all. When Horus said “don’t interfere with the future in any way”, how was Min to know that included not getting caught getting a beej in the alley behind King Tut’s All Nude Cabaret by a stripper-cum-prostitute. How was he to know??? Horus would not be pleased. Not at all.
Poor ol’ “Stuck Tongue” Joe. Always teased as a youngin, never known the love of a good woman, always being arrested for disrespecting an officer when pulled over for a routine traffic stop…oh yeah, and also having four suitcases full of crystal meth in the trunk. But like I was saying, poor ol’ “Stuck Tongue” Joe just couldn’t catch a break.
The only thing Mrs. Wheeler was guilty of was being the best damn fifth grade teacher Broadmoor Elementry School had ever seen…that, and trying to run over her ex husband with her mini van.